"Ping"..."Crap!!"

Ok, so last night, I was getting ready to leave work and I went into the bathroom. After I washed my hands (always an important thing to do that, surprisingly, many people on my floor conveniently forget, but that's another blog for another time), I'm cleaning my glasses when all of a sudden I hear a "ping" sound. The next sound I hear is me saying "Oh, crap!!!" (which is kind of redundant considering where I was) ... I had just broken my glasses. The frames separated in the middle and the lens fell out onto the counter.

After several minutes of stressing and talking to myself (yes, I talk to myself in the bathroom. Admit it ... you do, too. And even if you don't, please say you do anyway so I won't feel weird), I had resigned myself to the fact that I was doomed for a weekend of wearing my spare glasses from the 80's (those breathtakingly debonair retro-chic aviator-style Barnum and Bailey specs that take up half my face, that are also 4 prescription levels too low ... now there's a driving challenge!!)

But then suddenly I remembered there was that place in Fairview Heights that fixes glasses called something like "Frame Fixers" or "Frame Savers" or something like that ... who cares what it's called ... it was my answer!!!

I then left work a bit early because there's nothing like having 20/30 vision in one eye (the one with the lens) and 20/4,517 in your other eye (the one without the lens). Can't see, can't work, gotta go, bye!! And off I went to my destination ... my brand spankin' new favorite place in the entire world (at the time) ... "Frame Savers" (it might as well be called "Ryan's Refuge Which Just Happens To Be Near White Castle" ... mmmmmmmm, dinner).

I now am faced with a choice ... a choice that will not only affect my safety, but the safety of every fellow driver, pedestrian, stray dog, homeless person, and errant squirrel ... basically, the entire population of downtown St. Louis ... for on this day, January 29th, 2010, Ryan Jones was forced to drive ONE-EYED THROUGH DOWNTOWN ST. LOUIS!!!! Have you ever done this?? I don't suggest it. For once in my life, I wanted to have a police escort across state lines, but there was nary a cop in sight.

By yelling "Get outta the way!!" to three people walking downtown, remaining in the right-hand lane the entire trip, keeping a 3/4-mile distance between all cars on the highway, and waving back at people who were waving at me (I think they were waving with their index finger. I couldn't tell. Is that a "St. Louis thing??" Remember ... I can't see!!), I finally made it to my destination ... Frame Savers. I could tell exactly where it was because upon driving past Chuck Wagon, the clouds suddenly parted, a ray of sunshine beamed right down onto the building, and I heard music!!!! (It was either angels, or all the pedestrians singing, in unison, the Hallelujah Chorus once I drove onto the parking lot!!!) It didn't matter ... I arrived and not one person had to see the underside of my car because of it!! And for that, I was eternally grateful.

I entered Frame Savers with the same steady wink I had for the past 45 minutes. The angel who worked at Frame Savers greeted me with a smile (I think), and then she proceeded to perform the most important emergency surgery I've ever had to have on January 29, 2010. While the Angel Who Shall Be Named Bambi From This Point On In The Story only charged me $42.00 for the opportunity to see again and to spare the life of any number of drivers in Fairview Heights, truth be told ... I would've paid any amount she wanted. (But I didn't tell her that because my momma didn't raise no dummy!!)

So, in closing, if you were on the road anywhere between downtown St. Louis, up Highway 40, down Highway 159 to Lincoln Trail between 4:45 p.m. and 5:30 p.m. yesterday, say an extra "thank you" to the Lord for sparing your life ... and I would like to say a special, heartfelt "thank you" to Bambi the Frame-Saving Angel for allowing me to see the world a little clearer this morning.