I'm told that blogging can be used as a way to express your feelings, so here goes. The vast majority of my postings on this blog have been for comic relief (that kind of mirrors my life to a certain extent), but this one's serious. Something happened tonight that made me realize that things are not going to turn out the way I hoped they would, in a couple of different areas, and it's just tearing me up. Maybe that's way I haven't been sleeping well lately ... I don't know.

This really isn't meant for anyone to understand, it's just somewhat therapeutic for me to finally see these words in black and white. Basically, I need to grow up. I'm always good for a joke or a sarcastic eye-roll, but as funny or as silly as I can be sometimes, I can also be extremely serious, even passionate about specific things ... many things actually. People have turning points in their lives, and I think I'm hitting another one. I'm not sure what I should do about a situation in my life, but it's a big one and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm not sure why I feel the way I do about certain things and, more importantly, a certain one who's come into my life. This is unlike anything I've ever experienced, and I mean UNLIKE anything I've ever experienced. This is the whole "heart beating faster ... stammering ... losing weight ... just anything to get this person's attention." I thought of this statement the other day ... "I'd travel around the world just to sit by your side and stare at the wall. And it would be OK, as long as I'd be with you." Yep, that pretty much sums it up. (Yikes, I'm sounding more and more like a Hallmark card.) But although there's been a few comments here and there, and some moments of uncertainty, I'm pretty sure this person doesn't feel the same way. I've never done this before, and I'm not actually sure it's the right thing to do. In the end, I'm gonna wind up getting hurt here. It's OK. I'm willing to take that chance. This person is worth it all and even more than that. Dang, don't tell me I'm out of Kleenex ...

Sorry if this is sounding vague or even cryptic. I don't mean for it to. I'm also not going to explain myself, partly because I don't think I can. I guess for a guy I'm pretty in touch with my feelings. I tend to wear them on my sleeve. That may be a mistake because I have huge sleeves sometimes. I think I need to hide my feelings and watch what I say a little better. But that's not really me. I'm just ... I don't know.

I'm goin' to bed. Maybe I'll sleep six straight hours. I hope so. I also hope that maybe I'll wake up as a new person ... new brain, new personality, new everything ... Does that ever really happen, though??